Atlantic City Weekly

Featuring:

•The New Love & Marriage
•That Dress
•The Groom & the Ushers
•Weekends Not the Only Days for the Ceremony
•Family Matters

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The wedding pic of the 21st century?

Every bride and groom wants to feel madly in love as they walk down the aisle and begin their new life together. Romance novelists, playwrights and Hollywood movie directors have nurtured that notion in modern society. How could anyone commit his or her life to someone without hearing a thumping of the heart?

While modern marriages result from finding a mate with chemistry and compatibility, love and emotion has historically played a minor role in marriage. Over the centuries, most marriages have occurred for a variety of reasons: economic, procreation, maintaining power and family lineage and to promote fidelity.

Many historians consider the ancient Egyptians to be the first to enter into marriages. These alliances were common to maintain familial assets. Monogamy was practiced early on because most men could not afford to maintain multiple families. Girls married as young teens; men married in their 20s.

The purpose and types of marriages evolved over the next several centuries. In many cultures, the arranged or "pragmatic" marriage brought a couple together via an arrangement often made during childhood. A matchmaker brokered the relationship, and the couple had little input regarding their parents' agreements.

Arranged marriages are still prevalent in some cultures and some relationship experts say they often work out better. Both sides understand the purpose of their union and have different expectations -- building a home and raising children.

Many marriage counselors also believe that learning to love is clearly possible. In the Broadway hit Fiddler on the Roof, the two lead characters, Tevye and Golda, examine their arranged marriage of 25 years in the song "Do You Love Me." When three of their five daughters insist they want to marry for love instead of their traditional matchmaking, Tevye ponders why. He then asks his wife if she loves him. Finally, after analyzing their life together through the lyrics, she admits that she does.

Proxy marriage refers to a ceremony where either the bride or the groom is absent for the wedding. Someone stands in as a substitute. Four U.S. states still sanction proxy marriages: California, Colorado, Montana and Texas.

However a couple arrives at the decision to marry, these days it's happening later in their lives. Because the average age of a first-time bride has risen to 26 and grooms are even older, many engaged couples have lived away from home -- often together -- and are paying for part of the wedding itself. They are proactively determining the direction of their nuptials.

Older, more independent brides are taking matters into their own hands in numerous ways. Often, the only resemblance between today's brides and those of the past is the popularity of the wedding gown and ceremony.

The days of demure, blushing brides seem to be fading, evidenced by some trends. One is the boom in elaborate, often risqué, bachelorette parties in exotic locations that often last for days.

Another trend is wedding photography for the immodest bride, which may distress many a bride's family and in-laws. This trend of photography outside of the traditional staged wedding party, ceremony, reception and cake-cutting shots began in the late 1990s. Often at the request of the brides, photographers throughout the U.S. are including candid dressing room shots in the wedding package price. These personal shots may include the bride in her underwear or adjusting her lingerie. Avoiding any shots that depict nudity, most wedding customers defend this photography by claiming the shots are only as provocative as lingerie catalogues, and provide realism to the day.

Older bridal couples, marrying for either the first or a subsequent time, may have developed different perspectives on ceremony and gift giving. Because this may be their second or third go-around, they are seeking something different for themselves. Or, after living in their own homes, they already have cake plates or crystal bowls.