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Toothless ‘Twilight’


‘Breaking Dawn Part I’ is a dud


By Lori Hoffman

Add Comment Add Comment | Comments: 10 | Posted Nov. 23, 2011

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‘Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1’

In looking back over my
 reviews of previous movies in the Twilight series, a pattern emerged. I liked the first film, Twilight. but was disappointed by the bland sequel New Moon. Eclipse was next and was my favorite film of the series, bringing tons of action as well as emotional depth to the story.


So it has been good, bad, good ... and, unfortunately, the pattern continues as Breaking Dawn, Part I, despite the vampire wedding of the year, is hands down the worst film in the series to date. It is mostly tedious and toothless and feels at numerous moments more like a Saturday Night Live spoof that a proper continuation of the series.


Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) get married, but not before Bella has a really bad dream about her upcoming nuptials. The wedding comes off without a hitch — although with a bit of werewolf tension around the edges, then it’s off to Rio and a beautiful romantic island honeymoon.


For Twilight fans, the consummation of the honeymoon has been a highly anticipated cinematic moment that was carefully crafted to retain the coveted PG-13 rating.


However, the honeymoon bliss is short circuited by Edward’s continued reluctance to turn his ladylove into a bloodsucker and by Bella’s sudden abdominal pain. Bella is carrying a fetus, but is it a child to be loved or Rosemary’s Baby?


The whole demon child plot could have been interesting, but in the hands of the usually competent Bill Condon with a perhaps unredeemable screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg, it lands with a thud. Mostly everybody is sitting around waiting for the baby/demon to be born while the Cullens keep an eye out for the werewolf clan waiting to pounce when the moment is right.


What we have is no action, bad line readings of terrible dialogue and a series of cringe-worthy moments that evoke laughter, in particular when Jacob (Taylor Lautner) makes eye contact with the new baby.


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COMMENTS

Comments 1 - 10 of 10
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1. Anonymous said... on Nov 23, 2011 at 04:22PM

“Read the books.”

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2. adriane said... on Nov 23, 2011 at 04:25PM

“OMG I thought I was the only one who was laughing at the imprinting scene! Yeah, totally agree with you about this movie.”

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3. Paul said... on Nov 23, 2011 at 04:29PM

“what's amazing here is this. Eclipse actually was the furthest from the book. more fake than the others. this last one is most appreciated of all of them if you are a twilight fan. if you not a fan you will always find something wrong with the film. the series has to do with a stroy you are involved in. where you are there, with youir people. it's all one group, and you are included. so it doesn't matter if someone like this critic, who totally misses the point, has anything to sday about it. because it's going to break records because we get it, and that's all that matters”

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4. Jordan said... on Nov 23, 2011 at 04:43PM

“Wow, this critic obviously has not read the books because this movie follows the original story line most accurately! When me and my group of 47 friends went to the midnight premier (how many movies can u get that many people together to go see, not many besides twilight saga) we were in shock as to how amazing this movie was. We, along with anyone else we talked to in the theater were more than pleased with how amazing this movie was, in fact it was an outright surprise because we had read some unintelligent reviews like the one posted above! This persons critique is irrelevant, because this person is irrelevant. The End!”

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5. Parthasarathi Singh aka DJ Death Spider said... on Nov 25, 2011 at 07:06AM

“I totally agree with Jordan. There was nothing funny about the imprinting scene. This movie was the closest to the book, and it was the best movie of the Saga I've ever seen. Sadly, non-Twihards don't understand that, they're just plain stupid, really. Unintelligent remarks like this critic made are totally irrelevant, because this PERSON is irrelevant. The movie IS intended for Twihards, not some kind of f***in noob who doesn't know a thing about the saga. Breaking Dawn Part 1 RULES!!!”

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6. GJL said... on Nov 25, 2011 at 03:55PM

“I entirely agree, this movie played more like a parody of the movie than an actual interpretation of the book. The wedding was so comical I couldn't actually believe they thought it would work. I also disliked the wolves, where they should have been menacing and thinking like a pack, everything felt disjointed and unconnected. I have read the books and I wasn't impressed with them (cliched and stuffy) but I would rather read them than watch the movies.

I honestly can't imagine what Stephanie Meyer must be feeling after watching that mockery of a movie. Movie deals are a dream come true for any author but to have your book's epic conclusion made into a movie that plays like a parody must be heartbreaking.”

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7. blip said... on Nov 25, 2011 at 06:24PM

“I think Ms. Meyer can content herself with counting her money all the way to the bank. (As for any actual thought on Ms. Meyer's part, we need simply refer to her writing itself, which proves conclusively that brainwork isn't exactly her strong suit.) The imprinting scene is-- or was-- hopeless from the get-go: very simply, there was no way to make it work, since there's no escaping its ludicrously grotesque implications (full-grown man "devoting" himself to a baby: sick. The fact that said baby will be expected to be that full-grown man's "mate" when she grows up: sicker still. Oh, and once again: so much for free will, eh, Ms. Meyer...?). But we must tie up all those (very) loose dramatic ends, mustn't we? If Jacob can't have Bella, at least he gets a nice consolation prize! (Yuck.) As for the rest of us (those of us with functioning cerebral cortexes, that is), we can enjoy nice headaches while waiting for this idiocy to end....”

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8. Lori Hoffman said... on Nov 26, 2011 at 02:42PM

“Thanks for the discussion. Since I have not read the books, I have to base my judgement on what I see on the screen. That's my job Those who have read the book are the ones who can comment on the quality of the adaptation.”

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9. I hate twilight now said... on Nov 27, 2011 at 11:57PM

“I was just dragged to see this "film" by a friend whose "into it".. I actually half liked the 1st one of course back then all the childish "brooding mopey depressed" behavior kinda fit for kids in their age bracket maybe. But it doesn't cut it when they are suppose to be 18?? time to grow up already. I mean shes getting married why so darn depressed? I just wanted to slip the entire cast a Prozac for god sake! That Bella chick cant act her way out of a paper bag! it was prob the hardest 2 hours of my life in a long time least the refreshments were half decent cause that movie was horrid! if I thought my friend wouldn't have poked me I would have loved to have taken a nap..What the heck was with the blood milk shakes?? she drinks from her sippy cup and all of a sudden wallah she is cured! bad bad baddddddddd”

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10. LibbySawyer said... on Feb 17, 2012 at 04:05PM

“I agree with the SNL part of your criticism. I kept rechecking my ticket to make sure I wasn't actually in a theater featuring a spoof instead. The movie, especially with its laughable gory and bloody scenes, spoofed itself.”

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